Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize