Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
