She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
