imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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