I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
