do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
