so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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