don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
