How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
