i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
