My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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