Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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