Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
