i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
4 words: hood of his car
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
