I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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