The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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