We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
