I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did I show you my penis last night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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