If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no, he came in my armpit
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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