I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
