I'm really into asian looking animals
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
