i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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