then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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