i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
