at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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