Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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