I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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