My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
