I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
