the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
