You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
