So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
