I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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