I wish you could order shots online.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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