If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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