I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
