so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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