We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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