Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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