I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
