By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
