jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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