Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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