it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
