I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize