The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
