you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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