I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
