there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
