Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
