I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
