found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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