I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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