other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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