I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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