I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina is officially offended.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
