Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
