I just threw up on my dentist
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
