Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
