people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
