Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
