You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
