I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
