You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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