Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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