Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
