why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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