i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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