i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
