Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize