didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
