3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
